Many years ago on a cross-country flight, they played classic Johnny Carson clips. Remember the Amazing Karnak routine on the Tonight Show? One joke made me laugh out loud.
Imagine Karnak wearing that goofy swami hat lifting the envelope to his forehead and knowing the “answer” before his sidekick Ed McMahon even asked the question.
Answer: “A full moon.”
Of course, this set off Ed’s giggling before he could get the question out.
Question: “What do you get when Orson Wells drops trou?”
(For those who may not remember Orson Wells, he was an actor, writer, and director most famous for Citizen Cane who became, shall we say, larger and larger than life as time went on.)
I’ve never mooned anyone in my life, so when a character in my book needed to moon, I had to do research. I’ll just let that thought percolate a bit.
Anyway, Joy Waltham, the panic prone foodie did something she’d never done before. Under duress, granted, but nevertheless, she mooned total strangers to distract attention away from her ex-husband. So we’ll call it mooning for a good cause.
One of my favorite scenes in my latest book, Too Close for Comfort, involves the fine art of mooning. After Paul Donovan dealt with his clearly titillated response to his ex-wife’s shenanigans, in typical cop form, he needed to get to the, er, bottom of Joy’s moon.
Here’s an excerpt from Too Close for Comfort:
Joy’s heart pumped a wild rhythm. All her brain cells were programmed to alive-and-loving-it! Had she really just dropped her pants and hung her backside out the door?
“What the hell was that?” Paul yelled.
“I created a diversion so you could get out of there.” She tossed him an irritated look. “I was saving your butt.”
She sped on. Gravel and rocks flew and popped. Peeling rubber would have been even sweeter.
“Saving me from what?”
She glanced into the rear view mirror and saw the shadowed forms of four men standing in the driveway. Her mouth went dry and her pulse kicked up. “Those men!”
“Those men were probably boys looking for a quiet place to toss back a few long necks. They’re not even following us, Joy.”
“That’s because they’re still shocked by my ingenious diversionary maneuver.”
“That was some maneuver all right.”
She didn’t have to look at him to know he was smirking. With no time to pull up her pants, she sat in a puddle of corduroy on the cold Ford seat. Was he checking her out? As soon as she felt it was safe, she’d pull off the road and fix herself.
“I don’t know who they are or why they were there, but I didn’t want them to find you.”
Invigorated and alive, she pressed harder on the gas. “You know, four against one. Not that you’re not up to the fight.” Joy couldn’t seem to keep her mouth shut, feeling like she was starring in her own action movie. The car careened off the shoulder. “So I distracted them,” she said, straightening out on the turn.
He pressed on an invisible brake and held onto the armrest when she swung wide around another corner. “You certainly distracted me.”
“I saw it in a movie once.” She grinned and glanced at him. “I think it worked, too.”
Paul cocked his head toward her hips then back toward the warehouse. “How in the hell did you do that?”
She ignored his lack of confidence in her driving and thought for a moment. How the heck had she done it? “Let’s see. I unzipped my pants, stopped the car, opened the door and held onto the steering wheel and door frame like when I wind-surfed yesterday, then let the pants drop, and hung my butt outside. And damn it was cold.”
Her excitement spilled over onto him. Or maybe it was her driving? No, it was more than that. Paul’s eyes looked feverish, and a little confused. A forgotten feeling between Joy’s thighs surprised her.
She was hot and he looked sexy wearing his Colin Farrell knit cap. She bet he was carrying, too.
There was absolutely nothing like a sexy man with a loaded gun.
“Pull over.” He didn’t sound nearly as enthusiastic as she felt.
So let that be a lesson to anyone considering rushing out and mooning strangers, especially when you’re on a reconnaissance mission. It can get you in trouble!
Today is the official release day for this book, and I’m itching to give away something. I’ll choose one name to give a $10.00 online gift card to Amazon or Barnes & Noble. All you have to do is answer this question.
Have you ever mooned anyone? Why or why not?
Until next week, when I’ll announce the winner, make it a great one!
For a couple of early-read reviews on Too Close for Comfort, go here.